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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125399">Imposter Syndrome</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/themodernmerlin/pseuds/themodernmerlin'>themodernmerlin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Deep Space Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, changeling jullian/garak is one-sided and only implied they never actually get together, takes place before and during In Purgatory's Shadow/By Inferno's Light</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:54:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125399</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/themodernmerlin/pseuds/themodernmerlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Changeling leader once told Odo "To become a thing is to know a thing." How did being someone for so long affect the changeling who took Julian's place in s5? </p><p>What if Changeling Bashir had then gone into the Gamma Quadrant with Garak?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Changeling Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Imposter Syndrome</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> To become a thing is to know a thing </em>.</p><p>    This was the mantra all changelings knew, the Link taught it to every newly formed changeling. It echoed in the infinite of the Link, practiced whenever they would leave to explore their homeworld or interact with their Vorta and Jem’Hadar. They would take forms, to speak, to communicate--and when they did, they gained some understanding of individuality. Of the idea of self--not that they enjoyed this, the feeling of separation from the Link was unbearable. Yet, sometimes they had to, for their own sake. This is why they had taken the form of this Federation doctor, to protect themselves from these stubborn, chaotic solids who sought their destruction. Scanned his brain to gain access to his memories, to his thoughts and feelings--and then to perfectly imitate him. To become a thing is to know a thing.</p><p>They did not expect, as the days drifted on in their mission, time and distance keeping them from the Link, that knowing a thing so well--embodying it at every moment--it became difficult to draw the line. Where did they begin, where did Julian Bashir end? There was no Link to remind him--no, them--that they were more than any solid. Every night he tried to remain constant in their mission as he collapsed back into his natural state--but every morning as they reformed, the line grew difficult to tell.</p><p>Julian Bashir, the real one, had felt so strongly towards so many people on this station, that his emotions bled into their own. The way Jadzia greeted them every morning, it first brought a forced smile to their face, but now brought a genuine one. The joy of spending time with Miles--of nights in the holosuite or playing darts, it was no longer fake. The days <em> he </em> spent with the Bajoran midwife, helping Major Kira deliver Keiko and Miles’ baby had made him feel genuine joy like the real Julian would. These emotions were real, the company he had made was pleasant. It made his plans difficult, as much as he tried to remember that he was here to infiltrate. To make sure that the warships would pass through the wormhole unharmed. To kill every single person on this station and the planet below. Every day it grew harder for them, for <strong><em>him</em></strong>, to think about it.</p><p>Then there was the tailor. The Cardassian spy. He <em>should</em> loathe him, despise him for the attempted attack of his people, but, from Julian’s memories--the doctor had viewed his actions as understandable, even if unjustifiable. An action driven by the same urge to protect his people, just like the Changeling’s desire to defend their own. There were other, deeper emotions and memories that clouded his judgment, the memory of how afraid Julian had been when faced with the idea of Garak’s death--the memory of their time in a holosuite together. He could hardly hold back the strange sensation of adoration he felt at the very sight of the man. Julian Bashir loved him, and he was struggling to separate those feelings from himself. Their weekly lunches bringing a strange sense of excitement with them, something that not even the Link itself could replicate. </p><p>He wondered if the other them--the one who had been gone for two years, pretending to be General Martok, he wondered if they felt this same blurring. Did they reform every morning, wondering what it would be like to truly be the Klingon? Did they look at their wife and children and feel the same pang of love that he felt looking at the Cardassian? Did they feel joy, fake-drinking bloodwine with Martok’s friends? There were nights in Julian’s quarters where he lay in his natural state, alone, wondering just that. </p><p>The worst struggle was the standing lunch meeting between Garak and Julian, a meeting he always faced with a mixture of apprehension and excitement. One slip and he might risk his facade failing, ruining the mission he was sent here for. Yet--it would raise more suspicion to cancel, and, against his better judgment--he felt excitement. He wanted to see Garak, to talk to him. He even read the literature recommended by the man, finding himself enjoying the books. Partially he was thankful, despite Doctor Bashir’s feelings towards the tailor, he had never confessed them. Had the two been lovers, he was unsure if he could keep himself from falling into the feelings. It also felt wrong, despite the blur between himself and Julian, to act on those feelings, to hurt Garak in that way. As much as he started to feel like Julian Bashir, he was not. He never would be. But Julian Bashir’s feelings made him realize his job may be impossible.</p><p>
  <span>Now, he was beginning to run out of time. Soon the fleet would arrive, and he would have to stop any attempt to destroy the wormhole. He would have to prove himself loyal to his people. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Im not sure how much I will update this, but I will try! I just absolutely couldn't get the idea of Changelings struggling with their sense of self when having to impersonate someone long term out of my head.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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